Corn Hole for a Cause

Three years ago, the world lost the beloved Aaron Alcorn to suicide. Aaron was admired for his joy-filled attitude, dedication to his friends, and his inclusiveness—his inextinguishable yearning to bring groups of people together for a good time. He believed in the potential of great people forging connections through community. To honor his life and celebrate his birthday, a group of Aaron’s friends are inviting people to gather together, play cornhole, and connect on October 15th [10.15.22; 1-5 PM]. MHASF sat down to speak with one of Aaron’s close friends Michael Adkins, and what resulted was a heartfelt appreciation of mental health recovery, vulnerability, and, of course, bean bag toss techniques. Enjoy, and please check out the event.

First things first: How strong is your Cornhole Game? 

Not as good as it should be. My one year old son’s taken away from my practice time. Never a dull moment in my life though.

Can you tell me a little bit about this event and how it came to be?

In… oh gosh, 2019, my friend Aaron Alcorn took his own life, and that event dramatically impacted a lot of us in San Francisco. Aaron was loved by many, and losing him really threw a lot of us into grief. Trying to figure that out for me personally—Aaron was one of my best friends—and I think as a teacher who spends time with middle schoolers and being around a lot of kids with a lot of emotions, I always felt like maybe I was slightly more aware than the average person when somebody is in need. That’s what I do every day, and when Aaron passed, I was at a loss for understanding. It didn’t make sense; didn’t seem real; frankly, it doesn’t seem real all these years later.So I met with some of Aaron’s other friends for lunch. We were having a conversation about something we could do productively, and something that we could do to maybe help. Our opportunity to help Aaron had come and gone, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try something. So, the intention was to gather for a memorial event where we could have a little fun enjoying nice weather. A time to share happy memories about our friend, and then also at the end of the day be able to contribute to our community.We found MHASF as a worthy cause that we could donate some funds to because I can’t help but think: if only… if only I had known the thing to ask right. But, we can just do better moving forward, and I want to be a part of that change. It’s what I do professionally, and being optimistic is kind of my nature, or my calling. That’s kind of how it came about.

What does it mean to you to honor your friend in this way?

Well, I think about Aaron weekly, if not daily. Because as a as a 6’4” white male who has every sort of privilege, I’m thankful for the gifts that my life has given me. One of the things that I want my middle schoolers to know is that it’s okay to be honest, vulnerable, and emotional. I look at this as a daily conversation for me in in a large part—trying to help my students be able to feel that they have someone to talk to. Having this event right around Aaron’s birthday, the intention there is the reminder of what we think every day. I wish that Aaron could see the impact he’s had on us. So many of my male friends have now had conversations about being vulnerable and we’re asking, like ‘hey you said you’re okay, but do you really mean it?’ We’re less afraid of the tough questions and hard conversations. This is a good way for us to get together, support each other, and remind ourselves to stay vulnerable—a little more open in our conversations—and to be honest amongst our friend Group and our peers. There’s been a shift. There’s been a change in how we talk to each other. Some of the boys will be boys, and tough macho stuff has been set down. I don’t know if that’s just getting older, but I think it has a lot to do with Aaron.

Are there any memories you feel open to sharing? 

I have lots. Somewhere saved in a Google file, I have the eulogy. One of the ways that we bonded was through soccer. I personally am not the world’s greatest soccer player. As a matter of fact, when I joined the team I was a little rusty on the rules. I can’t look back at the decade plus that I played soccer with [Aaron] without remembering countless instances of being beaten off the ball, but seeing him come from wherever he was, to try and help out. Basically, covering up my mistakes. And that was Aaron always and forever. He was always trying to help people, up until the end. I think that soccer is a little metaphor for the kind of person that he was—the kind of effort he put into the world. I’m a better person for knowing him, and a better soccer player as well.

What kind of difference do you hope this fundraiser will make? 

There’s the obvious one, I hope MHASF is able to help our community. I’d also like to think that as I watch our social circle, there are a lot of kids growing up in San Francisco right now. I hope that every one of them knows who to talk to and how to talk to somebody when they’re having a hard time. I hope that the negative stigma associated with mental health issues continues to be beaten into oblivion. If you want my honest opinion, I think that strong men cry and talk about their feelings, and that’s okay. And that’s the result of 20 years of therapy right there. I want to see that continuing in the next generation with my son, with all of his buddies that we play with in the park. I want them to know different—that’s all. I hope that’s the legacy Aaron’s passing can contribute to our world.

What message would you like to share about the impact of giving to organizations like MHASF? 

I think a lot of us have an obligation to be more deliberate about our feelings and how we spend our money frankly. If you have the ability to give to organizations such as MHASF, then there is an obligation to support the community workers and nonprofit organizations that do the hard stuff. Not everybody can do everything, but everybody can do something. If that’s 20 bucks, or an afternoon of volunteering, an email here and there… like, let’s look at the way the world is and try saying we’re perfectly happy with it. Something’s better than nothing.

Any strategies for the big tournament? Warm-Ups, Stretches, etc.?

I am very fortunate to be married to a hyper-competitive individual. She’s better at these kinds of things than most of us. My goal for corn hole or any of the sports of competition would be to just do my best to keep up with her, because she sets the pace and she’s worth chasing. So that’s usually my motivation. I can’t let my son think I’m not at least trying to keep up. It’s a little bit pride-based, and it’s also a supportive thing. We’re there for each other, and she’s been incredibly important throughout this entire experience. I don’t know where I’d be without her. Our relationship is better because of the conversations that have come out of having to be vulnerable about our feelings. 

Thanks for your time, Michael.