Making Friends Through Mental Health

National Friendship Day takes place on the seventh day of August every year, and what better way to recognize the gift of camaraderie than calling attention to the friends made through mental health work? It’s not every day that people can meet with a mutual understanding of the internal journey shared by individuals in recovery, but friendships forged in the fires of peer-led mental health efforts can prove resilient and restorative, even through adversity.

For anyone who has joined the peer-led mental health movement, ‘making friends’ is rarely the driving motivation. Most individuals are seeking a change within their personal life or community, and turn to mental health advocacy as an opportunity to share stories of how the systems currently responsible for providing care can improve. Some might argue that for this reason, mental health advocacy is a far better environment for finding buddies than the isolating nightlife or hobbyist collectives because the work is inseparably personal. A friend made at karaoke night might fizzle after the final refrain of “American Pie”, but when someone trusts you enough to open up about their entire life being uprooted by a shared condition [ie., anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc.], the bond cements with intention.

A common rallying cry for mental health as well as disability rights advocacy is ‘nothing about us without us’, and all too often the ‘us’ of that call to action is glossed over. The individuals who show up to support mental health reform—be it for a minute, a month, or a lifetime—have given their time and care to show up for a shared cause, and the heart of that cause is really each other at the end of the day. Mental health peers are people who, deep down, want the lives of others to be even just a touch better than the pain left in the wake of past lived experience. Their is a shared belief that as an ‘us’, the potential for improvement is greater with friends than alone.With many opportunities to work together towards a common goal, the peer-led mental health movement sets a stage of vulnerability and respect for people to meet as equals. Moreover, the assistance of peer support within this movement is central to building strong relationships based on honest communication with yourself and those around you. If you have always searched for a way to meet empathetic friends without the social artifice of status, then peer-led mental health advocacy might be a fruitful avenue towards connecting with people who really care, without all the noise.

Friendship in Action — A Personal Account

This example of friendship though mental health recovery comes from an anonymous MHASF community member:In 2011, I had lost a job very abruptly and was going through a very difficult time. I was lost, dejected and feeling hopeless. At times, I would consider self-harm and hospitalization for me was being recommended by my mental health counselors and psychiatrist. Before doing that, it was suggested I join an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) to see if it might help. I started attending a group three times a week for three hours each day.At the first group, I met [my future friend] and we had coffee after one of the groups. I didn’t know what peer recovery or peer support was, but we exchanged phone numbers and began talking outside of the IOP groups. We are able to talk about our problems and provide space to vent and support over the phone. After a few weeks the IOP group ended, but we stayed in touch.

"Now over 10 years later, we are good friends and continue to provide support to each other as peers and as friends."

Showing Up for Others Makes It Easier to Show Up for Ourselves

Those in mental health recovery can attest that some days, it is hard enough to show up for one’s own personal needs. So then, why would it make sense to bridge into a friendship wherein someone else might call upon that same unavailable support? While it defies logic, the needs of others can often kickstart the capacity to provide support, not only for the asking party, but also for those person providing the support. That’s right—sometimes someone asking us for a favor actually improves the ability to do more favors on any given day, including favors for ourselves.So while it may be difficult to show up for yourself every moment of every day throughout mental health recovery, paradoxically, showing up for someone else makes it easier. That is the power of friendship built through mental health communities—particularly those companions who help us honor our own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others.At the same time, the pro-active support you put into a friendship tends to come back around to you when you most need it. Even the little check-ins or moments of support from mental health comrades can catalyze mood, advocacy efforts, and hope for the future of mental health care. United in the attempts to secure a more accessible mental health landscape, the measure of impact can be—as cheesy as it sounds—the friendships built along the way. With peers like these, who needs to worry about making friends?